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Portland, Oregon

Copyright 2018 by Evan Knapp Music, All Rights Reserved

Lyrics

From 'Green'

Matter of Thought

Time wakes up inside his nest

He shakes off his feathers and hopes for the best

He's nervous, he's nervous

Prepares for work, though he doesn't know why

He thinks quietly to himself, "Do I

Exist? Exist?"

Oh, that poor thing

Such great responsibility

Jumps from nest

Reluctantly into the west

But where does the time go?

I know it flies

But where to I don't know

I wake up inside my bed

From the hundred million thoughts speeding through my head

That do not connect

I can't seem to catch them before they're gone

Like if my mind were a road it'd be the autobahn and

I can't stand this traffic

They drive limitless

In psychological bliss

Why would they resist?

I'm a hopeless hitchhiker to them

But I still need a ride 

And if thought's a train

Then I just can't keep mine

But still I try to reside

In these moments but they're so agile

They walk past me and

They ask me

"Don't you miss us now that we've elapsed?"

And I do

Stories always sound

Better from the mouth of someone else

Photos lie, constantly saying to my mind

That "What you're doing with your life is not enough"

Windmill

I'm gonna leave to the west from the east

I'm gonna find a place that suits my needs

I'm gonna leave to the west from the east

I'm gonna find a girl if it take me a century

I will love her and she'll love me

The Great Salt Lake to the Snake River Plain

Do you think about me now and then?

The Great Salt Lake to the Snake River Plain

Because I just can't get you off of my brain

Ain't you been taught to clean the mess you made?

I'm convinced that hell exists

I think I see a windmill garden ahead

I'm convinced that hell exists

I found it in these northern Oregon winds

and in your smile, but that's irrelevant

All the best, all the best

Even though what you did never made no sense

All the best, I wish you all the best

Even though I know you don't need it yet

But while you're out on an island fit for a princess, just know that you've got someone thinking about you in the west

Today

Baby, how's your day been?

I've been dying to know

Translate into expression

I can't see your smile through the phone

Oh, every time I look into your eyes

It feels like I'm a bird taking flight for the very first time

But that feeling's been hard to find

Because lately I've been caught up in the grind

What happened to our summer plans?

Take a car to the beach, write our names in the sand

Now the autumn rains are falling again

Another year's slipping right through our hands, oh

Seasons fly like planes

Time does the same

I know that won't change

But let me say I love the way you look today

Baby, this won't do

Last time it was your turn

I whispered that I love you

Sleepily as you left for work

It seems there's always something getting in the way

Whether it's my ambitions or our daily occupations

Patience is a virtue but now I just want to see you

I wanna take the day off from work

Make you some dinner and take you out to a concert

Buy you your favorite shirt, maybe some time in the future, oh

Although cliché

Life's just a game

We've not yet learned to play

But let me say I love the way you look today

Take Your Time

Push the clutch

I let my mind wander but it went too far

There's so much

I need to get done but don't know where to start

I emulate

All of my idols but I've hit a wall

Concentrate

I'm so frustrated, give my babe a call and I say

"I'm behind.

Every day is a chance and now I'm wasting mine," and she says,

"Change your mind.

You've got your whole life to live, I think you're doing just fine," and

I say, "You're right.

I've just got to focus on what's most important," she says,

"Take your time. I think you're doing just fine."

He

Could play better than me when he was 17

Oh, she

says, "Don't compare yourself to others if you want to be

Happy."

That's what we all want, isn't that what we all want?

Happy

Isn't that what we all want?

I say, "I'm behind.

Every day is a chance and now I'm wasting mine," and she says,

"Change your mind.

You've got your whole life to live, I think you're doing just fine,"

and

I say, "You're right.

I've just got to focus on what's most important,"

She says, "Take your time. I think you're doing just fine."

Who do I wanna be, wanna be, me?

Do I wanna be, wanna be me?

I'm just a wannabe wannabe he

I've just gotta be gotta be me

I still say, "I'm behind.

Every day is a chance and now I'm wasting mine," and she says,

"Change your mind.

You've got your whole life to live, I think you're doing just fine," and

I say, "You're right.

I've just got to focus on what's most important,"

She says, "Take your time.

I think you're doing just fine.

Your opportunity will arise.

I think you're doing just fine."

Your House

I can't relieve you from my memories

I remember everything

The way you first looked at me

Following

I want just one thing

Find the doorbell inside your head and give it a ring

Because I can see outside your house is beautiful

But the interior is where beauty truly unfolds

Are you as above so below, or have I seen it all?

You know I 

Ain't hard to satisfy

I wanna trace your mind

What's behind those eyes?

Because I won't lie

I think it's you I desire

So to clarify let me inside

The house of your mind

Well, I tried

Time after time

but you only invited me in to lock me outside

Months go by, come July

I had given up but you changed your mind

You let me inside I was so enticed walking up

That I overlooked your 'For Sale' sign

I said it's so nice to see this side of you

But why now of all times? I'm a bit confused

She said come here let me show you my room

You know I 

Ain't hard to satisfy

I wanna trace your mind

What's behind those eyes?

Because I won't lie

I think it's you I desire

So to clarify let me inside

The house of your mind

I come back again the next day

Forced gratification, delayed

As you had moved away

It's this from you expect, I didn't

Guess I thought that you were different

What have I said this whole time?

I tried my hand, don't think you understand

You made me give up once and now you do it again

What stings is after everything I may never even see you again

You know I

Ain't hard to satisfy

I wanted to trace your mind

Not stand for a night

Now I'm trying not to cry

Sitting here wondering what it would have been like

Had you just made up your mind

Frosted Flakes

My roommate's been saying for a while

"Dude, get some new shoes. Vans are what you've gotta buy,"

I said "Two years has been a long time, I

think you're right man, I could use some new style."

So I'm biking it down to the mall

With shoes so old soles get wet first when the rain falls

I bought the first thing I saw

Some kicks so sick you'd say that they off the wall and

As I'm on my way back to my ride

I see this chick rocking a hat above her eyebrows

I'm thinking to myself I've got to ask her out

Because it'll be never if it ain't right now

I walk up to her and say "Hi.

What do you think about going out sometime?"

She says to me, "Well, sounds fine, just

Give me a place and a date and a time."

I tell her, "Downtown, 45 past 8"

She says, "Sure" text her on Friday to confirm

She says she's feeling sick

I don't mean to cause no harm, just maybe go on a couple of dates

If we find the vibing right, maybe take it back to my place

Wake up from the morning light, maybe make us some pancakes

But we're never gonna see because you are what you eat

So enjoy them frosted flakes

See, normally that would've been it

But you can't call her out for being sick

Does she think that I got limp wrists?

Just shake it off, proceed to persist

So I'm gonna let it sit a few days, then I'll try again

I'm gonna let it sit to show that I got patience

I'm gonna let it sit to build anticipation and

In the meantime I'll plan my operation

I wait to text her "Hey!"

All the way until the next Thursday

Just to give this cake time to bake

She said it once she'll say it again and

Come that day, on a bench I sit

Someone's MIA and I ain't it

Phone in hand, no messages

Well, shit, twice is all you get.

It's clear to me, if she were serious

She'd be here I'd be delirious to believe

She needs another chance

I don't mean to cause no harm, just maybe go on a couple of dates

If we find the vibing right, maybe take it back to my place

Wake up from the morning light, maybe make us some pancakes

But we're never gonna see because you are what you eat

So enjoy them frosted flakes

I work at a job to accumulate some payment

I ain't well off, but it covers the rent

All about that promo, you know I'm never content

Because of that I respect the management

So, a couple days pass and as I'm leaving work

She texts back saying she was a jerk

Excuse was her phone was dead and

She'd like to like to like to try again

Well, could I take back what I said?

I mean, she's still a perfect ten

Though she's warned me before of her car that doesn't exist and

Of her job or schedule I'm completely clueless

I'll go regardless, it's worth it, she promised

I leave work early just to meet her, got my boss pissed

But guess what, when I pull out my phone

She says "Got no ride, must postpone."

Oh well, I'm gonna go find someone else

Let me know next time just how great

Those frosted flakes taste

I don't mean to cause no harm, just maybe go on a couple of dates

If we find the vibing right, maybe take it back to my place

Wake up from the morning light, maybe make us some pancakes

But we're never gonna see because you are what you eat so enjoy them frosted flakes

Other

When Will It Hit Me?

This is not hard
I'm not joking
When I say that part of my brain must be broken

I'm in a car
Passing Oakland
Leaving my friends and everything I've come to know and

I'm not that sad
That's why I have to ask

When will it hit me? I'm still waiting I'm not sure
When will it hit me? That that part of my life's no more
And why is it that when things change, I remain completely unphased
When will it hit me? The tears I've been waiting for

I should be glad
I can't feel it
For that would break my heart into pieces

At 17
I left my family
And I remember thinking that this can't be

Because I was not that sad
That's why I had to ask

When will it hit me? I'm still waiting I'm not sure
When will it hit me? That that part of my life's no more
And why is it that when things change
I remain completely unphased
When will it hit me? The tears I've been waiting for

I was in a cap and gown standing on the stage
On the day that I graduated
And they called my name but it was all a game
Because I still felt the same

And it never hit me, that's why I'm not sure
That it's ever gonna hit me that that part of my life's no more
And why is it that when things change
I remain completely unphased
When will it hit me?

She's Moved On

Hello my friend

It's so nice to see you again

Remember those times when

We used to reflect?

I can't believe how long it's been

We thought those days would never end and

Life now is so different

Compared to then

Yeah, you would walk around with the girl of your dreams

I would complain about having no one for me and

You would reassure me, now the tables are turning, let me say

Oh my god, it's a lot thrown upon your shoulders

You can't stop, all you want is to see and hold her

It's probably not what you want to hear

But she's moved on, she's moved on

You're upset

But reminiscence

Reminds me of what you said

When I was there

You always broke it down into terms that were sound

You always found out how to make me smile and

Now that you're broken down I want to be around, to do the same

Oh my god, it's a lot thrown upon your shoulders

You can't stop, all you want is to see and hold her

It's probably not what you want to hear

But she's moved on, she's moved on

You're spot on, yeah she's different than when you met her

Just the thought makes you wish it would last forever

After all you have invested in her

She's moved on, she's moved on

If you love her let her go, don't reprimand her

You want her to be happy, ain't that true?

See through her eyes, try to understand her

Walk a mile in her shoes

Take it in

These things happen for reasons and

It could always happen again

Couldn't it?

Oh my god, it's a lot thrown upon your shoulders

You can't stop, all you want is to see and hold her

It's probably not what you want to hear

But she's moved on, she's moved on

You're spot on, yeah she's different than when you met her

Just the thought makes you wish it would last forever

After all you've invested in each other

She's moved on, she's moved on

Something Different

What I've learned in life

Is you won't change the mind

That does not seek advice

You're better off teaching sight to the blind

You portray the hate

That you seek to erase

You call me ignorant

But if you were me you'd be no different

Because we're all just products

Of how we were brought up

You have less control than you think

I asked your perspective

Which you found offensive

Now you've got me wondering

If I'm just wasting my time

Thinking that the solution is to be kind

I've said this whole time if there's one thing I would die for

You know it would be to make this world a better one

But that means something different to everyone

I can't stand to see

The food wasted annually

When people stand in streets

Because they can't eat

If we could just agree

Imagine the potential of a team

7 billion deep

What a beautiful place this world could be

The problem is 

Everyone thinks what they think

Is exactly what's best

So I can't say this is the way

Because that would make 

Me no different than them

Maybe I'm just wasting my time

Thinking that the solution is to be kind

I've said this whole time if there's one thing I would die for

You know it would be to make this world a better one

But that means something different to everyone

There's something I've been meaning to say

I know if I were you I would feel the same way

But you're so engrained in this social change

That you ain't noticed you've become what you hate

You're calling me close-minded straight to my face

But off of what observations are these thoughts based?

I was taught from an early age to treat others the way

I would want them to behave if we exchanged places

If you knew me you would know that I'd be down to discuss it

But I could see in your eyes there was no room for discussion

It's disgusting and there will not be repercussions

But I'm done fixing bridges that I haven't even busted

I think that people find what they search for

And what makes this all hurt more

Is that this contention at its inception was about perspective

Specifically when I asked for yours

I just seek to take us all higher

With these philosophies I've acquired

And the only time I preach is in the presence of choirs

But I do not believe

That I'm wasting my time

Trying to be kind

I've said this whole time if there's one thing I would die for

You know it would be to make this world a better one

But that means something different to everyone

Suffice To Say

I got this message from your name

You'd been listening to Ocean Frank

It made you think of me, you hope I'm doing great

Hope it wasn't a mistake, but wait

As things were coming to an end

You said that you'd be open to us still being friends

Mentioning we should eventually reconnect

Before stopping me by blocking me on all the interwebs 

So I took that moment to ask if you were interested

You said you were and asked if I'd be into it

I said I would, it don't gotta be nothing intricate

Just wanna know how life's been since the time that we were intimate

Admitted, I just wanted to say what's up

Maybe remind myself exactly why did we break up

Half expecting you to want to try and make things up

But when you didn't I had to put this into quotations

You look just like the girl I used to date

But something about you has changed

It makes me want you back but that's a risk I can't take

Suffice to say you're different and the same

In all the best ways

Last I heard, you were moving to New Orleans

But here we sit inside a café in Portland

You look gorgeous, but I guess that's not important

It appears as though our time apart's allowed you to move forward

'Cause you seem so happy, like I was holding you up

You push your comfort zone and don't rely on anyone

Now longer want a relationship, no you just wanna have fun

Unlike the girl who said she's ready to settle down with someone

But you still like fine, your smile's still attracting me

Still look in my eyes as we talk so casually

All the inside jokes still come so naturally

As all the good times simultaneously come back to me

This has to be a front, but I miss you so much

But I can't forget the reasons why we're no longer one

I just gotta keep my head up and think straight because honestly

This is not about you, it's about what I want you to be

You look just like the girl I used to date

But something about you has changed

It makes me want you back but that's a risk I can't take

Suffice to say you're different and the same

In all the best ways

I must ignore the voice in my head

What it says messes things up

 

It's the train in the distance that

Paul Simon sings of

It never goes away, it only changes shape

I just can't help but feel like I made a mistake

'Cause you look just like the girl I used to date

But something about you has changed

You don't need me no more and you're better of anyway

It's just hard to take

When I miss you more and more with each passing day

 

Summer Vacation

In these dreams I'm having

It's still 2011

I'm in high school again

Though now life don't seem much different

I go to school 5 days a week, every week

Except instead of school it's now my job it seems

Go to work to a boss who's screaming

He make me feel I'm a shit human being

I guess I just wanted to be

The only one in charge of me

But the older I get, the more that I see

There's no such thing as completely free

Instead of tests now, I pay rent and

Homework means car payments

I never would have guessed I'd be so jaded

But no one ever said there'd be no summer vacation

Well see, we do get electives

But they're just ineffective

In comparison to core classes

Which one goes by the fastest?

I'm studying independently, it's only me

I just cannot focus adequately

I must learn how to quickly

Before my life sticks it to me

I thought I could do this alone

But now that I'm all on my own

My thoughts are rushing in like a cyclone

I need someone to help me cope

Instead of tests now, I pay rent and

Homework means car payments

I never would have guessed I'd be so jaded

But no one ever said there'd be no summer vacation

The Same

These days we stay in the sheets when we wake from sleep

It's made me late each day this week

No need to explain 'cause it's plain to see

That she's changing me

It's never gone well when I've tried before

All I really want is some time alone

But she holds on tight and won't let go

It just goes to show

That we can't communicate

We never began and now it's too late

She wants more us, I want more space

She's willing to do whatever it takes

Just to make it work

Which just makes it worse

She says she wants no one else

But I know I don't know myself

Well enough to say

That I feel the same

She'll say that she loves me for who I am

As she takes the good without the bad

And shames me into a different man

When I don't accord to plan

But how could I ever leave

When I'm what makes her happy?

It's my responsibility

My friends tell me that

It's not and it never will be

But she's still got this hold on me

She wants more us, I want more space

She's willing to do whatever it takes

Just to make it work

Which just makes it worse

She says she wants no one else

But I know I don't know myself

Well enough to say

That I feel the same

I've lost touch with who I once was

And she believes that it's easy for me

To leave someone I love

But I'm gonna miss her so damn much

She wants more us, I want more space

She's willing to do whatever it takes

Just to make it work

Which just makes it worse

She says she wants no one else

But I know I don't know myself

Well enough to say

That I feel the same

If You Only Knew

There's nothing I can say 
Nothing anyone can say to me to change it 
Though talking palliates 
It does not help me face the case she's dissipated 
Like vapor in the air 

And I won't be seeing her soon 
But that's all I want to do 
I just want to see her one last time 
And no her way with words ain't great 
Or is she just afraid to say what she's feeling? 
Why's she so quiet? 

She says I should move to a city, find someone new 
But this could all work out so easy if you wanted it to 
But it won't 'cause you don't and that's what shows me just what I meant to you 
I wish I could make you see, babe, if you only knew 

If you only knew, if you only knew 

There's nothing I can say 
Only she can say those words to give me ease 
Give me sanity 
But she's not even hung up on this 
That's a message I will not receive 
Nah 

And I already gave up once 
Then you come back and pull this stunt 
That's not fair (that's not fair, that's not fair at all) 
And I apologize for the affront 
But you seem to be the only one you're thinking of here 
What's she say to that? 

She says I should just move to a city, find someone new 
But this could all work out so easy if you wanted it to 
But it won't 'cause you don't and that's what shows me just what I meant to you 
I wish I could make you see, babe, if you only knew 

If you only knew 

I guess I'm just confused 
Please excuse me if I thought you were something different than you are 
The you I wish I knew 
Would have used her aptitude to not leave me sitting in the dark 

She says I should move to a city, find someone new 
I've tried and I've tried, it's finally hit me that you won't see us through
So I've back my things and bought my tickets 'cause there's nothing left to do 
There's no way to put this simply, if you only knew 

If you only knew, if you only knew

 

A Girl's Name

I remember the scent of autumn and

Summer's endless days

But December beats all of them

Though spring's a close second place

But these days, something feels so strange

The change of the seasons don't hold the same meaning

I've been so fixated on trying to make it

I haven't looked up to see the time that it's taken

I'm in such a haze, I heard someone say the word summer and

I thought it was a girl's name

Time does not last as long as it used to

I watch the weeks turn into years

When I look back on all we went through

I just can't hold back the tears

Because these days, something feels so strange

Our change in relation's got me contemplating

As the days get warmer, it feels like torture

It's bringing me back when I've got to move forward

Oh it's such a shame, when I heard someone say the word summer

All I thought of was a girl's name

These expectations had friends in me

They said, "Let's go explore."

But sometimes friends turn into enemies

I'm not excited anymore

Because these days, something feels so strange

All this confusion is just an illusion

It's just a prank pulled on me by my brain

I will be fine, in just a few months' time

Oh, but as of today when I hear someone say the word summer

All I hear is a girl's name

Gracie

It's a shame it had to be today

Losing friends has never been easy

It's times like this I try

To be the one there for you

I know you're so sad and confused

Your emotions pass you by

I know I said the wrong thing at the wrong time

It don't mean I don't love you

I'd go back in time to save her life, wouldn't I?

To show you that I love you

I know I make mistake sometimes

But I'll make it all up to you in time

Don't you cry

The last time I looked at Gracie

She understood and stared back at me and

I thought it just amazing

How she said so much without saying anything

Does it bring back memories?

Just know that I'm so sorry

Because I know how it feels

I know I said the wrong thing at the wrong time

It don't mean I don't love you

I'd go back in time to save her life, wouldn't I?

To show you that I love you

I know I make mistakes sometimes

But I'll make it all up to you in time

Don't you cry

I Don't Think About You

I don't think about you

When there's no one to talk to

Or when I'm making food

Or when I ought to

Especially not

When I walk down the block

And see the restaurants

It doesn't bring back thoughts

Because I don't think about you

You don't cross my mind

When I walk outside 

And see glass from the pipe

You dropped when we got high

And that does not remind

Me of all the times you tried

To keep our love alive

When I wanted to resign

Because you don't cross my mind

I did not dream

That you were here with me

You did not disappear

When we touched and it seems

The fact of the matter is

I cannot convince myself that

You do not exist

When everything comes back to this 

But I did have that dream

I took a trip

To San Francisco

To get my mind off of it

I went to see a show

And ran into a comedian

I'd seen in Oregon

I said what a coincidence

He said "I remember it.

Weren't you there with someone?"

 

Now I Know

Truth is, I fear I fear that I lack

I lack the resolve

To move beyond this wall

And Live the life I really want

It's been a year a year since I

Since I left home

and for that I've nothing to show

I'm no different than a year ago

But I guess I can say I've learned

It's not the lighter that makes the fire burn

Two sticks will work

If you just exert the effort

That's the way to go, now I know

Here, there, and everywhere there are sounds

That I've never seen

What could this mean?

I may be worse off than I seem

I soak in what I can

But understand that if it's to be

It's up to only me

To make this vision a reality

But still a seed

Can't become a tree

Without sunbeams

Or rain at the very least

There are things you can't control, now I know

It must bury

When it falls from the parent tree

It learns to shed its leaves

and you know it will always need

A little room to grow, now I know

7,000,000,000

I'm searching for the rays in a sky that's gray

Time holds me captive

Just another average day, needles to say

This ain't the life I wanna live

Because it's so hard to focus through one whole day

I disregard the role attitude plays, and

So far that's done nothing for me

I went off to meet this girl we call mother Earth

I won't forget what she said

She spoke to me in words of dreams and population

Saying, "Evan, you're just not everything.

I don't revolve around you, you're one in seven

Billion people with ambitions

If you were gone, I'd keep spinning around

She taught me that I don't matter as

My sense of self-importance turned into laughter

I'll just do what I love and love what I do

Because when you don't matter there's really no reason not to

Out seven billion people, it's incredible

How sometimes one's just enough

With so many people, lonely's no way to feel, so I

Hope this song cheers you up

Because there's so much going on it's hard to take

There's no such thing as making a mistake, so

Release the clutch and take your foot off the brake

She taught me that I don't matter as

My sense of self-importance turned into laughter

I'll just do what I love and love what I do

Because when you don't matter there's really no reason not to

So that's what I'll do

You can't change the world

She'll only ever spin

If you want to make a difference

You'll have to start with her inhabitants

You can't change the world, she'll only ever spin

Yeah, the Earth is the constant in this experiment

If you want to make a difference, want to make amends

You'll be nothing without help from her inhabitants

I once feared insignificance, but today

There's this smile I just can't wipe off my face

She taught me that I don't matter as

My sense of self-importance turned into laughter

I'll just keep doing my thing, play guitar and sing

Because when you don't matter that's really what's most important

These Pills

You pierce my eyes

And say with disdain

I'm not doing it right

As if there's only one way

You push me farther

When I ain't ask for a nudge

And I try harder

But it's never enough

I've let you convince me

That I'm in the wrong

But it's been you all along

So I'm done with this useless feud that you chose to start

I'm done with your attitude and the hypocrite you are

You fill these pills up with my pride and shove them down my throat

Do it one more time, and I just might overdose

I was born a hassle

With paper skin

And I've been the asshole

Ever since

So I can't blame you

For my hatred of self

Even though you berate me

For everything

I won't respect your insight

If you don't respect that I never requested your advice

Because I'm done with this useless feud that you chose to start

I'm done with your attitude and the hypocrite you are

You fill these pills up with my pride and shove them down my throat

Do it one more time, and I just might overdose

I've tried to put others in front my whole life

At the expense of my self-worth and my pride

I blame myself when I'm not at fault and apologize

I think it's time I prioritize my own smile

That's why I'm done with this useless feud that you chose to start

I'm done with your attitude and the hypocrite you are

You fill these pills up with my pride and shove them down my throat

Do it one more time, and I just might speak my mind