I Guess

I guess I'll give this closure to myself
Now that you're closer to someone else I've been thrown to the lowest shelf
Oh well

I guess, I mean, I wasn't so naive as to believe that it would be like when we were a team
But it seemed, if only in my dreams, that we could transcend and make amends and stay friends
You know? Like we said way back then
But then again

I guess it's disappointing but no surprise
That your actions don't align with the words you verbalize
And hurt when I wished you guys the time of your lives and you did not reply
Which made me realize that you will never be in my life again
Which got me wondering what the point is if all the joy and poignance only turns into disappointment
Like shit, there goes two years down the toilet

I guess I used to think it was such a waste when you would say that you erased every trace of your last mate's face, like, shouldn't those dates have brought you to happy place? Or were your relationships based in hate?
I used to contemplate what that would say about our fate

I guess it's taken me ages to let go and my age is starting to show everything that I don't know and away is the only place to throw all this angst and woe


So


There goes two years worth of texts, my first worst and best, and all of our photos on the internet
There goes your family and friends and the sexts I need not have kept for they do not get me erect
There goes the emotional hiding and seeking and you implying that I was cheating and trying to sleep while I was already dreaming
There goes me being your best friend but not someone you trust and talking to no end but never about us and those things that I said that kept your walls up and you not knowing me at all

Fuck


When everything went under, I kept these things to not forget all the little wonders from when we met to when we left and now I'm deleting your number even though it's burned into my head and taking advice I gave to my brother saying that chapters were made to end and I guess that's just life when lovers try to remain friends

So I guess this is it

I guess this marks the start of me embracing life without you and not wondering what it was for and I'm going to stop writing about you because my listeners are getting bored
But before that... thanks
For everything
For the good times that we had and even the bad, for those all turned me into who I currently am and yeah, I tried my best
That's for damn sure and you left all my questions unanswered and I'd love to be able to say that I'll always be there for you
But are you?
You're just making it kinda hard to and I don't wanna argue but I was put in charge to answer these questions on my own

But I guess that's better still
Because at least now I know
That you never will

Los Angeles, CA

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